Brain Chemistry vs. Reality: Serotonin Doesn’t Care
My brain chemistry doesn’t care about my privilege, whether actual or attributed. Yes, I am a white, middle-class woman with a college degree, and those things give me advantages. But my brain chemistry doesn’t care about any of those things.
I have a good job, working with reliable colleagues and (mostly) reasonable clients. I have a comfortable home. I eat well, my car runs dependably, and I am able to indulge myself with little luxuries, such as fancy soap and chi-chi tea. But my brain chemistry doesn’t care about any of those things.
My brain chemistry doesn’t care if I have a major project deadline, or a stressed-out client, or a letter from the IRS that needs an answer. My brain chemistry doesn’t care what day it is, or what time it is, or that I’m supposed to get on a plane tomorrow. One day, I’m a functional adult human being who can do everything that needs to be done, and the next day, I’m depressed and have to spend far too much time simply putting on shoes and getting out of the house. Any actual work accomplished is a bonus.
My brain chemistry goes up and down for reasons of its own. Reasons it hasn’t bothered to explain to me. Reasons that I can’t seem to control, although a few things influence it. It fluctuates less when I sleep regularly, when I’m not working 60 hours a week, and when I don’t eat a lot of white sugar. But otherwise? It does what it wants to do. And no amount of positive thinking, being grateful for my advantages, or outright wallowing in my privileges changes what my brain chemistry does.
So, to everyone who tells me I “have no reason” to be depressed, please explain that to my brain chemistry. Because I’ve been telling it that for 54 years, but it hasn’t worked yet.
Serotonin
So very many {{{{hugs}}}}.
Thanks. I know you understand exactly what I’m talking about.
I know exactly what you mean…I dont discuss it publicly but I’ve suffered from depression and anxiety since I was a child….HUGS and thank you for posting this.
I’m glad it spoke to you in a good way, Pamela. Thank you for sharing your experience as well. Hugs!